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Once upon a Time…

I will make all my dreams come true!

Evolution – Dreams – Goals – Changes

Fairy Tales photoWhen I think back, way back to a time when my mind was still rather innocent and dreaming was somewhat more whimsical, fantastical and filled with wonder, it was a different path then the one I have found myself on for so many years now, that I wanted to walk.

I always had a love for creating worlds and within it bringing beings and situations to life that were far removed from the stark reality we live in.

Drawing images which shared my then child-like imaginations brought me much joy and telling my stories via the written word was a pleasure of mine that I hoped to turn into my Career at some point in my life. (By the way no, the image here is not one of mine, I cannot claim credit for it, but I found it so lovely and perfect for this post that I just had to share it.  I found it on Pixabay under common license.)

Before all the lofty dreams of so many different professions I might choose, it was being an Author as well as Artisan and with that a Story Teller that had captured my imagination and made my heart beat with glee. The idea of bringing you into a world of my creation and let you share in the wonderful Adventures of my imaginary friends held a special appeal to me. Due to how my actual life was back on those days, the often enforced loneliness I felt, it was those whimsical creatures who became my dearest of friends. Friends I could depend on and who would always managed to make me smile.

…. and then I grew up! Suddenly I was thrown into the Adult World of responsibilities, bills that had to be paid, a family that had to always come first, and I wasn’t even 18 yet.

I got my first job in a Factory on my 14th Birthday and now still finishing school, having home work to get done and working 6 to 7 hours a day to earn a living, there wasn’t much time left for dreaming, writing, drawing and I put what little childish ideas I had away.

Over the years and as I grew older, my dream of becoming a successful published Author who could make her living on sharing her worlds of dreams and illusions with the world, would pop into my mind from time to time. I guess I was just not ready to let go of it completely, but I quickly learned that even so I had self-published several books by then, there just wasn’t enough money in it for me to consider it as a living.

That and the little fact that now I was niched into a particular type of writing – my fetish stories and BDSM / Fetish Educational writing, which was not at all what I had wanted to do to begin with.

Oh and let’s be honest, even so my English is pretty good and I have been speaking, reading and writing in English only for the last 28 years now, I still make grammar and spelling mistakes here and there. If I wanted to break into a larger world of fiction writing I would need to find an Editor who would be willing to commit them-selves to the birthing pains of my creative works as much as I was.

Sure I had a couple of people over the time who were willing to give me a hand with that, but when someone does you a favor you can’t demand that they actually do it on a reliable time line, which became a big problem rather quickly. That was the fact even with my fetish writing and there was just not enough income from my writing to be able to afford to hire an Editor. Bills and other obligations always seemed to rob me of the extra money I had which I might consign to hiring a professional Editor to help me in my dream of turning my passion for writing into a lucrative enough profession to make it my full-time career.

One time I finally had enough cash put away to pay a literary genius who could take my work and polish it until my spelling and grammar was sparkling and bright. Boy, was I excited at the prospect! Finally, a book I could release without my constant biting of my nails with the always present fear that I may have butchered the language completely this time. Oh the fears and woes of an aspiring writer!

The Lady was handy with her red pen and quickly went about to strike, correct and adjust my manuscript until it resembled a impressionistic piece of Art rather then a manuscript. Only the dear Lady was so eager in her correction that instead of just editing the spelling and language as I had requested, she deemed it necessary to change whole passages and with that changed the entire vibe of my Story and the life’s of my characters. Essentially she rewrote the book until it suited her taste and opinions. I was devastated and not a little annoyed. This was not what I had asked for and now on top of everything I had wasted the money I had saved away for that project.

I have to admit that my temper got the better of me in this case and I threw the manuscript into the proverbial fire. Oh how I regret my impulsiveness, but ah the passion of my younger days.

Once again I pushed aside my dreams and goals of making an “honest living” with my writing and continued to write my Fetish Stories here and there, publish a couple of books, but essentially treated it as a much loved hobby.

I build my FemDom / Fetish online Realm and Empire, threw all of my energy and work into it, and left my writings of my dreams in much a state as one would leave a distant but fondly remembered dream.

My online Empire grew, expanded, and took over my life it seemed like. Before I knew it, I had pretty much begun to do nothing but whatever was related to FemDom and Fetish, Content creation, Sessions and so on. Perhaps that was the point when I asked myself in a moment of absolute and unwanted honesty who had become the Master and who the slave in this Empire. When you become so obsessed with anything you do that you literally forget about anything else and go for days on end without sleep or rest, it’s gone honestly too far. You have become a slave in your own Realm and sorry that was just simply defeating the purpose of it all.

I began to step back, slow down, dismantle and reduce, until it became manageable again and I no longer felt as if I was a work horse hitched to a bizarre wagon of my own creation.

Needless to say, when you run a rat race and slow down, others will over take you and soon you will run behind. That should have bothered me right? I mean I was used to being a Queen Bee, a Bitch in charge among many other Bitches, and wasn’t I supposed to fight and claw to retain my crown? Ha, not so much. I was never much for the whole fighting and clawing thing unless it was in the middle of a particular brutal scene in which I would do a take down, but outside of that I was always a firm believer in “when it stops being fun, it’s time to stop” or in that case “slow down”.

Hitching your Wagon and survival to a passion is always taking a big chance. Especially when it has to do with the Adult Industry and let’s face it once you become part of the sex worker world things tend to change a little. Ok, they change a lot. You can’t put that Genie back in the Bottle, it changes things inside of you and it makes you see people in an entirely different light too.

What darlings, did you really think it’s only you who judge us? Ha, we look at you and see all your dirty little secrets and hidden hypocrisy. Hang out with me sometime and let me talk to you in a totally uncensored way, and you may just learn something about the visible sides of sexual perversions that so many people don’t even realize they fly like a freak flag around them.

Ah and then came the Era of stubbornly beginning to make my dreams come true. Regardless of what some of you may think, building and maintaining an online FemDom and Fetish Empire was never my dream, that just ended up being what I was really good at and enjoyed a lot. It suited me since BDSM was my lifestyle as well, but as times and my life changed around me, the older I got and the more I saw the nature of people, the more it turned into profession.

The first dream I pushed through was what I am doing now. Full time RVing and traveling the USA in a sedate pace to explore the places I would never see otherwise and to meet new and interesting people who I’d never get to know otherwise. The Nomadic Goddess emerged from the fires fully formed and spread her wings to fly.

Lately so, and with more and more of my friends and family members dying off around me, I suppose I am starting to feel my own mortality more again. I have no plans on dying anytime soon, but let’s face it tomorrow isn’t guaranteed to anyone.

The question of what do you want to do with the rest of your life and what other dreams have you yet to achieve has become more and more prevalent for me again lately.

I am a firm believer in Omens and Signs. Stubborn as I am I can only ignore things for so long, and once again my dream of being a full-time and financially successful writer has been in the forefront of my mind.

Books are begging to be written and Stories are glamoring to be told. The old and slumbering friends of my childhood are whispering into my ears once more and cry to be given voice.

The skeptic in me says: “Idle fiddle faddle! Everyone fancies them-selves a writer these days, and the age of books is coming to an end. Who will buy and read what you have to say foolish woman?”

The dreamer in me counters: “Ah but these days everyone fancies themselves to be a Kinkster, a Fetishist, a Femdom or slave too and look I am still standing and around? I created something magnificent out of nothing once before, why I can’t I do it again?”

The realist in me proclaims: “Well you can try, but don’t expect it to be easy! There will be much failure and frustration ahead of you. Many rocky roads to walk, and many who will nay say you along the way, but if you are determined nothing will be able to stop you. Why not try it, just don’t stop doing everything else in the meantime!”

What a truly wise counsel I have from my inner voices and I agree with my realist the most.

Times change, and new adventures await. I’ll continue to record my wickedly delicious fetish Audios and offer them to you. I’ll continue to write my erotic Stories and offer them to those among you who enjoy to sit back and read as you become aroused. I even started a new place for them, since so many other options are closing down on me. Click here to find it and become one of my Patrons of my erotic Art.

I will continue to discuss, explore and indulge with you in the many fetishes and kinks that I love up to this day via my listings on Niteflirt and TalktoMe.

There will be more books becoming available in the short story format of “Goddess Bella Donna’s Tickle Torture Hell” available via Kindle and print via my lulu.com Store Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu., in various Fetishes.

All that however will not stop me to slowly and surely branch out into different Genre’s and hybrids of Storytelling for a much wider audience. I will embrace the creatures and characters – whimsical – magical – and filled with their own confusions, and finally lend them my hands so they may tell their stories and be heard.

Oh what an exciting time it is for me – at the threshold of yet another dream being born into reality.

What a fabulous thing indeed and in case you wonder why I am sharing this here with you…

The answer is simple, because this blog is about to undergo yet another evolution and will encompass my writers life as well. I considered taking it away from paymepiggy.com and perhaps make it only part of my flawedtreasures.com blog, perhaps even give it it’s own online mansion. Then I reconsidered and thought to myself, why not allow the little piggies to become part of the Journey and maybe just maybe make them-selves valuable to me along the way.

Perhaps among you little piggies – be that my fat little feedee piggies, my doomed piggies, the ever elusive green blooded cash piggy and any other variety of piggy – there will be some who would like to support my dream and help finance the time off I need to write the new books, have them edited by a professional who can help me in my endeavor and become a part of my brain storming process.

Who knows, put it out into the Universe and the right souls will answer the call! That I belief and trust in and so that is what I am doing. If you can afford to tribute little piggy and want to be part of my next great Adventure and become a treasured companion on the road to making my writing dreams come true, then make yourself known to me at goddess@paymepiggy.com

Until next time my fellow dreamers, seekers and naughty ones.

Goddess Bella Donna

 

 

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