Why do we have traditions and
unspoken courtesy rules?
BDSM talk by a 25 + Years experienced Goddess
Good morning everyone, come on in and take a seat. Slaves and subs on the floor, Ladies and Lords on the Couches, the rest of you that are undecided go stand somewhere until you can figure out what you are today.
For the last few years now we keep reading the “This is not your Mother’s BDSM” phrase over and over again. We see old school BDSM Traditions not only being laughed out of hand, but literally ridiculed and belittled.
We witness a complete disregard for protocols, common sense practices, unspoken courtesy rules and a disdain for Traditions that gave a core structure to what we’d end up developing our own individual styles and paths within the glorious Arena of BDSM in.
Ladies bemoan the insincerity and flakiness of the male submissive / slave and the submissive / slaves bemoan their inability of finding women who actually really exude not only power but who are comfortable with it as well as retain a certain amount of humanity.
Ladies complain that the guys are cheap and unreliable losers and the guys complain that the women are now just pure business transaction inclined.
We have the great controversy about catering to the guys from the side to the Ladies, and the entitled I should get it all for free and my way in order to be motivated to “tribute” and “serve” from the guys.
You are right Dearies, this is NOT your Mother’s BDSM any longer and welcome to the NEW AGE BDSM you have created in your ultimate wisdom of knowing everything so much better then literally GENERATIONS of women of Power before you. This is the result of breaking completely away from Traditions and scoffing at those “Unspoken courtesy rules” because sadly online by no means carries the same consequences for your actions then real time would.
You find those Traditions and unspoken courtesy rules restrictive and out of date. You mistake them for something that stops you from developing your own Style and setting your own RULES for your Queendoms, but in reality they never have been that.
No Dearies, instead they were just a solid core foundation that kept all sides safe and on which you can build your HOUSE of Dominance. They are a GIFT handed down from Generation to Generation of dedicated to BDSM individuals who realized that unless you have some type of structure and agreed upon common courtesy rules BDSM will decline into a free for all and chaos.
Now the majority of you who may read this probably don’t have any type of real time experience at all or have only played outside of the actual BDSM Communities. That seems to be a big thing now online with the newer Generations as well. Online truly is all about the fantasy of Domination and submission, but oh so many do not want to be bothered with the reality of it.
BDSM Gatherings where real time participants from all sides interact with one another is very much all about courtesy and respect for one another and your actions will have consequences when you keep insisting of letting your own big fat head to get in the way. Your “entitlement” will only be tolerated for so long before someone else with an equally big EGO but probably a lot more experience will not so politely show you the door or tell you to go back to school first before darkening that particular door step again.
Online you are protected by an AVATAR – your anonymity – and it gives you a false sense of security and bravery, it gives you a false sense of being excused from acting out badly, and a false sense of EGO as well. If you ever want to see what the nature of humanity is when it feels safe from repercussion just sit back and watch Twitter and Facebook Timelines run past you. There you will see the nature of each individual in a condensed version. It’s really eye opening just how foolish people can get when they think that nobody can reach them and that there will never be any consequences for their Actions. However they all forget that the INTERNET has a very long long memory. It’s called caches. Not the people so much, but everything you do and say online gets stored away for a very long time and real life agencies, future employers, anyone who wants to do a background check on you that includes future possible life partners and your own offspring if you ever have any, can access this cache and bring back things you have thought long forgotten and gone.
One of the Traditions in BDSM was to keep a strong sense of privacy and protecting those who are part of the BDSM Arena from being exposed to individuals who would not be able to understand your needs and desires to act or be treated a certain way which goes very often in direct opposite of what most Vanilla Traditional behavior is seen as.
People in BDSM (all sides) come from all different walks of life and some of them have jobs, careers, businesses and affiliations that would be ruined – YES RUINED – if their activity would be discovered. Now online there is a big following and fantasy fetish that is about ruination and home wrecking, but the reality of this really happening would be devastating and not only to the sub / slave / fetishist who gets his wish, but to his FAMILY, his Co-workers, his JOB which gets drug into the mud now too and many other people who did NOT CONSENT to this.
Now I can just see the women who are participants of this fetish and take it as far as to actually carry it out to the bitter end laugh and go “So what the hell do I care? It’s his own freaking fault. The Loser got exactly what he wanted and I got paid so fuck you GBD!”
OK fair enough – I fully belief in making each person accountable for their own actions, but that includes you. For one as a Mistress / Goddess etc you are under the obligation to keep your slaves safe from HARM and that often includes from their own stupidity and ignorance. You are the first to point out all the time that a male is unable to think once his dick is engaged. So now the responsibility falls heavily on your powerful shoulders. Of course that is one of those traditional ways of thinking and unspoken rules you make so much fun of in your “wisdom” and need to “reinvent the wheel again”.
So let’s make it personal to you. If a males wife actually does find out about this and you pushed your home wrecking schemes a bit too far and took it out of pure fantasy land, the chances are that she’ll divorce him. During a divorce all manner of things will be drug into the court room and this will NOT be a friendly divorce since she will be furious not just with him BUT WITH YOU!!! Oh I know you don’t care YET, but when your name starts getting drug around in the Court System as Evidence A and that goes on record trust me you will care later on down the line. Let’s just say She has more class then you do and doesn’t set out to ruin your life in return. There is always the Cache and Karma being a bitch. I wonder how your future Partner or his / her Family will feel if they ever decide to do a little background check on you and see all those lovely little things you did there. You are a person who can not be trusted with a Relationship or anything else for that matter. Those are real consequences to foolish actions. Same goes for Career choices etc. Think before doing. How far should you really carry it???
Oh and you boys who want so desperately to be ruined… the fantasy of having to live homeless might be a turn on until you actually do. There is nothing sexy or glamorous about that and by the way once you are destroyed do you really think she will still care about you? She never did to begin with fools, SHE TOLD YOU SO from the start.
I am not talking about acting out a fetish fantasy on a clip, in an Audio, in a piece of writing or during a “Session”, but the public one on one displays that are directed at a person in full public view. It becomes very hard for people to distinguish what is just a fantasy fetish roleplay and what is real here. The wrong person sees it and you just made it real without meaning to perhaps. Again, there is a reason of why we protect our slaves, subs, and pets privacy.
Let’s go to what we refer to as “toe stepping” and “slutting around behind Mistress back” without permission.
The principal behind this is actually really simple. If it doesn’t belong to you but to someone else and you have not been invited to use it by the one who it belongs to then you keep your hands off. That pertains to both human beings aka subs / slaves as well as toys / tools. Now online we have this “thought reasoning” that if the Mistress can’t control her bitch boy then he is fair game, in real time however such an action would have severe consequences.
Getting “marked” as non-trust-worthy and pretty much be shunned is the minimum of the consequences and that might not mean much to you now until you actually want to be able to meet new people, be allowed at Play Parties, Dungeons etc. Oh but wait there is more. Get on the wrong person and you may just get your ass beat, find pain inflicted on your person or all kinds of lovely little memorable actions that come with being a thief, because Dearies that is exactly what you are. It doesn’t just disrespect the other Lady and the slave, but shows that you have NO self-respect.
Now there are things where you cannot control if someone owned or collared spends money on you. For example if he buys content from you via one of the many venues out there, or if he hides the fact that he belongs to someone else. Basically at that point you are just as much a victim of his deception as She is, but when you literally approach a slave who is clearly labeled as belonging to someone else and engage them in conversation with the intent of either poaching him or USING HIM without his Mistress Permission, then that’s 100% on you.
Oh and boys you don’t get away without getting smacked here either. A slave who can be poached and who sluts around behind his Ladies back without Her permission to engage in “intimate” conversation with the intend to provide service or tribute to another, is NOT worth having. It breaks trust and is unbecoming of the supposed D/s relationship bond you should be having with Her. If being a slut is in your nature then don’t ask to be owned or collared by a Lady or at base minimum be honest and seek HER CONTROL about to what extend you are allowed to indulge in slut behaviors. It’s called catting with Permission and many Ladies have RULES that will benefit HER and you in the end.
KNOW YOUR PLACE and act accordingly!
Once upon a time, haha yeah sounds like a Fairy Tale I know, submissive seekers were required to show proper courtesy and respect when interacting with Dom/mes and Tops. They didn’t run rough shot over them, back talk to them, call them out of their name, or address them in overly familiar ways. That went in private as well as in public settings. The Mistress / Goddess etc WAS NOT an afterthought in a conversation, service or action.
There is a reason why in real time during the slave training period a lot of Ladies actually instituted a rule of having to ask permission to speak first. Slaves / subs interrupting a Mistress when speaking or conversing with another Mistress / Master unless it was important (aka an Emergency) or had been told to inform HER if something had taken place (like the seat in the Restaurant they had been waiting for now was available) held severe disciplinary actions once they were in private again or if during a Dungeon party on the spot.
Have an old school Lady like myself and you’d have to clear permission to interact with another Dom/me first. You didn’t just go run off and chatter away like a magpie. That usually meant that if I granted permission I knew that other Lady or Lord and held HER / HIM in esteem. In HIGH PROTOCOL setting they would actually approach ME first and ask Me agreement to speak to MY slave or request a service from them such as fetching them a drink or finding them a seat. They didn’t sent their slave to do that either, they approached Me themselves and I would do the same for them. It showed mutual respect and assured that there would not be any misunderstandings later on down the line.
Just DEMANDING attention or service from a sub / slave who belongs to another is paramount to grabbing their collar and leash in real time. I have bend more then one wrist back in the real world for that action. Their Collar and Leash are not just symbols of their belonging to whomever holds the key to that lock and the end of the leash, but is their “SAFETY ZONE”. It means I have granted them MY PROTECTION from unwarranted and often unwanted touching, demands, or anything else that would almost literally force them to step out of sub zone and behavior.
Just because someone identifies as sub / slave does not mean they are yours. It’s theirs to offer and give freely, not yours to force and demand. The Collar and Leash represents that their choice has been made and the Lady or Lord has accepted it and has given her agreement to take up all of her rights and responsibilities over that submissive person from here on out until such time that there is a “request to be granted release / freedom”, dismissal or dissolution of the collar, or literally death do you apart.
Yes that too is an actual Tradition and unspoken rule. Starting to see where they are not there to rain on your parade, but are there to keep all sides safe and assure that you can concentrate on building that Queendom, that D/s relationship etc?
Oh and subs / slaves if you were to show your “dicks” or “just grab a Lady” or just think you can hope on someone’s lap without permission granted to do so, you’d find yourself very unpleasantly surprised. Most would not find this cute and cheeky in real time and if you come on a hard core and old school protocol and disciplinarian and Goddess you would be in a world of pain. The last male “slave” who just grabbed Me (and that was my shoulder) without permission found himself on the floor with My foot on his throat. The last male “slave” in real time who thought it appropriate to show Me his dick without it being demanded by me had a whip across it and a cane literally broken on his ass. As I said, KNOW your PLACE.
Oh and for you dear Doms, NO MY dominance is not up for discussion. I am your peer not some chick to be turned just because you have a dick. Trust Me I can always tell a Dom / Master who is worth his salt and is an actual BDSM Lord worth the mutual respect and some dick obsessed idiot who couldn’t dominate his way out of a brown paper bag.
A Dom worthy of mutual respect TREATS a Lady of Power with the respect She deserves and is a Gentleman to HER, not some obnoxious little tool. I have been fortunate indeed to have met many Doms / Masters whom I have had mutual respect with and watching them with their slaves has always been a delight as well sharing a discussion or time with them as equals.
Being a Brat, a cock obsessed hoodlum, an uncouth loudmouth with absolutely ZERO understanding or respect for little important things like S.S.C. , R.A.C.K, and respectful interaction with others in the BDSM realm as well as a measure of self-control, does NOT make you a Mistress / Goddess etc or Master / God. It makes you an imbecile at best who needs to get educated first. You can become someone, but right now you are unworthy of the title you slapped on yourself after watching some porno or watching some “Reality Shows”.
It would take Me way too long to keep going into many of the fine little traditions that made BDSM the wonderful world we get to play and participate in. That has allowed us all a measure of safety and freedom to explore our own desires and needs in a harmless way that doesn’t inflict damage on anyone.
A final thought for you to consider Dearies!
Nobody can tell you how to run your own show, that is a given, but remember that neither are we required to tolerate your behavior when it breaks every single bit of common courtesy and goes directly against Safe – Sane – Consensual.
Don’t bitch about subs / slaves or just males in general are nothing but a bunch of morons and entitled little shits when it is your disregard for anything even resembling tradition and core courtesies allowed for that to even become possible.
Guys, don’t you dare complain either that the majority of us Ladies of Power now are looking out for OUR benefits first and CHARGE YOU upfront for our attention. You did this to yourself when you bought into the idea that being submissive and providing service is all about sex and your dick induced thinking.
You wanted this new style of BDSM – you got it – now live with the fallout of it.
For Me and many other Ladies that still follow some of the traditions and courtesy rules, there will still be slaves who understand that actually SERVING and being CONTROLLED – DOMINATED – DISCIPLINED – GIVEN STRUCTURE – ETC… is what BDSM is all about and that you don’t get that unless you are willing to actually surrender, submit and obey.
Those slaves are treasures, the ying to our yang, highly intelligent and worthy of a place at our feet. They are the furthest thing from idiots, morons and losers. We leave those for you to ensnare…
Have a nice day Dearies!
Goddess Bella Donna