Toxic Situations and Relationships
a bit of real talk!
Sometimes you can’t get out no matter how much you want to!
I had to think really long and hard if I really wanted to post this here on an Adult Blog, but considering this is a Topic that is very important and millions of Adults find themselves in I decided to break my silence and slap some illusions in the face here.
For the time it takes you to read this post I want you to set aside your prejudice on this topic and just read what I have to say.
I hope that you will never personally find yourself in the situation(s) I am about to bring up and that you’ll always be able to extract yourself from Toxic Situations and Relationships, but I want to point out that for a lot of people it’s not possible without outside help or at all.
It’s easy to talk big when you don’t know the circumstances that really surround someone in that situation and it is even harder when that person cannot reach out for help out of fear to make things even worse on them . Yes that can be an issue.
I am asking you to not make this about discrimination in any way shape or form because it is not meant to be. I am in no way trying to play down any other groups but I do need to point out some realities that so many of you either don’t realize or just don’t want to see as truth.
Be aware that I am dropping the mantel of FemDom / Mistress / Disciplinarian etc and come at you purely as a regular everyday woman. I am talking to you here as “Just Regina” and I am not pointing any fingers at anyone.
This is just a topic that really needs to be brought to the light of day and talked about, because it is our ignorance, our foolish need to think that only one type of person matters and that there is always a way to escape something that is slowly crushing you under it’s weight.
I want to point out to you that in the end we are all the same, and that there is no privileged group or gender when it comes to this type of thing to happen.
So again please hear me out and thank you for your patients. (Forgive the spelling and grammar mistakes I might make, because I won’t go back to edit it or I may lose MY COURAGE to bring this out there. If you have to ask me why that is you are not paying attention.)
Bad things happen to good people. It is not always something they have done to put themselves into a specific situation. Illnesses, Emergencies that can’t be avoided, Tragedy that strikes, are all things that can be utterly devastating to someone and wipe them out completely within the snap of a finger. Life is no respecter of “Titles” or of anything else. It really doesn’t care how good of a person you are or if you have done everything in the world you can possibly do in order to be self-sufficient and never become a burden on anyone.
I think it is fair to say that the majority of human beings don’t enjoy having to ask for help. Most of us want to take care of ourselves and oh so many have done a lot of things in their life they may not even have been proud of just to survive and not have to lean on someone else.
These types of things can strike anyone at any time and very often we struggle so much to get out of it ourselves that by the time we are forced to ask for help we are already literally drowning in the toxic Situation we find ourselves in.
We so often assume that everyone but ourselves is able to get help easily or that they are privileged in some foolish way just because we see them as a group rather then an individual. Nothing could be further from the truth and I could fill book after book with stories from people who are living proof. Your race, your age, your gender, does not protect you from bad things happening and being tossed aside by those you thought hold you dear and were your friends or a system that is supposed to be there to catch you when you fall.
In some situation as I said it is impossible to reach out for help publicly because it would carry extensive repercussions in the long run.
Sexworkers (all of them – male, female, trans, etc) for one are often seen and treated even up to this day as dredges of society. When they reach out to groups who are supposedly there to help you they often get ignored or ridiculed unless they can be used as a Poster Child to further a cause. We all have seen this in action and it made many of us sick.
If you happen to be a Mistress (any title will do here) and you have to confess that you are on the ground and can’t get out of a horrible situation that is making it unable for you to even work and continue on, you are laughed at, ridiculed and told that you can’t be a real Mistress because a real Mistress is always in charge of her own life.
I will make one statement to that – You trying to tell that one to pesky little things like Cancer, Heart Attacks, advanced Diabetes, crippling Depression, Car Crashes that leave you unable to work, and hundreds of other things we have ZERO control over. Do you really think any of those things care if you are a Mistress or the person next door? I don’t know about you, but it never gave a damn when it happened to me.
What about being undocumented in a Country with no way to become legalized because the law is against you on every front and you had to break the law just in order to survive. Do you realize that if you work in any capacity while being undocumented it is considered a Felony and a huge strike against you? Do you realize that if you are in the adult industry and try to legalize they come at you with “morality”? I have known thousands of women personally who were brought into this Country by men they thought loved them and had their papers stolen. Had Children with those men and ended up being forced into the Business because that was the only way they could feed them-selves and their kids? I even met a few men who were in the same position with a gay partner and couldn’t reach out for help, because once you are in that situation you are not the victim but the criminal in the eyes of the law.
These women who have Children won’t risk angering those who hold them under control or go to the authority because they do have to fear being deported. This women come in all races and it doesn’t only effect refugees either. Many men and women from European Countries and Russia are not as heavily represented as those from others. They don’t have those huge groups of support behind them. They are truly left to their own devices.
I have known women personally who have went to Immigration lawyers to seek help and get legalized only to be told AFTER 9 / 11 happened that if they even tried to gain status they would face deportation and to just lay low. That’s the reality.
Human Trafficking isn’t as black and white as you think. It’s not always what you assume it is either. We talk about the horror of slavery in the past and OH MY GOSH it was horrific, but it is still happening these days. WE are just not aware of it.
When we talk about BDSM enslavement it is a far thing removed from actually being enslaved to a situation you can’t get out of.
Let’s step back so and do something less drastic but just as devastating.
People stuck in a toxic Relationship because they are depended on their partner to be a caregiver or because they have Children together and can’t afford to raise them on their own. Because living that relationship would mean losing your children.
Being so deep in debt as a couple that you have to stay together just to make ends meet and put food on your table even so the emotional and mental interactions brought on by stress now has become abusive. Sometimes you really can’t walk away and it cripples your ability to work.
What about FEAR? We always assume that everyone has the amazing network of support, but look around you. Have you ever been forced to walk away with literally nothing in the middle of the night with nobody there to help you? I know people who have. Many of them ended up on the Street homeless because they had nobody to help them.
What about fear physically of being destroyed. If someone sees you as their property is and is an abusive personality they are not just going to let you walk away from them. Yes those types of people are really out there. Seen that too with my own two eyes with several people and in that case the women or men are too afraid to leave.
What about having been mentally abused all their life to a point that they no longer see themselves as worthy of a better life? You have no idea how many people out there have lived through YEARS of abuse and neglect and that is all they know now. It’s not as easy as you think to get over that and an extended period of overwhelming stress can bring it back to you.
What about being too old to start over again? Oh yes that is happening more than you think. The older you are the harder it is to get a job these days. Not all relationships started out bad, they turned toxic over time and then you are dealing with loyalty and honor. You feel honor bond to stay with that person especially when you have been with them for a lot of years. I am not talking about 3 or 4 years but 15 – 20 – 25 and more. You know you need to get away, but you feel obligated and you remember the good times and so you stay. Hoping they will come back, trying to make it work, but by the time you realize they never will only death will be your way out.
Finally HUMAN NATURE and judging someone by their background. You may climb your way out of the Shit that you were born into, but it only takes one person to set out to destroy you and dig it up and suddenly you find yourself once again fighting for survival. Why? Because all too many people are focusing on where you came from rather then where you are going.
WE have 100’s of affirmations that we spout every day to encourage us to get out of bad toxic situations, but that is just what they are… Words of affirmations…. YOu still have to be able to do it and sometimes you just can’t do it on your own.
So don’t be so quick to judge and don’t assume the person (whoever they are) did this to themselves or are happy being in distress. Don’t assume that the super strong person you see online feeding you an illusion isn’t struggling to keep their shit together. Don’t ever assume anything and if someone finally breaks and asks you for help, don’t be a bitch and turn your back on them, because guess what you might be next.
Thank you for reading.
Regina – The lady behind the Title.